A lot of couples these days face a myriad of problem, chief amongst them lack of communication, cheating, a sense of insecurity, financial problems and a host of others. All through these, each couple has its unique ways of handling the problems they face. The direction they choose determines the future of their union and it is in this regard that a lot of couples fail.
Between couples, certain partners might choose aggression, some choose emotional blackmail, but most prevalent these days is bullying. Whatever might be the reason for bullying in a relationship, the bullying partner creates a problem that is the very social context that undermines their relationships, emotionally isolating themselves even more, further reinforcing their insecurities and giving fuel to their fears.
Alright I see that some of you might be wondering where did that come from, actually it felt good saying it, given our tendency to want a definition for all things, but not to stray wide from the point of discussion here. Our focus is on bullying which is defined as using superior strength or influence to intimidate.
So in a relationship how do you know if you are bullying your partner? Here are some signs that you are a bully:
- Communication: you tend to interrupt your partner always believing that you have valid points and your partner does not. You get angry and over compensate your actions, forcing your partner to agree with you just to bring about peace. Bullies also tend to love hearing their own voices, so they drown out their partnerâ€™s voice, leaving the coast all clear for themselves.
- The blame card: this is a favorite pastime of bullies. Bullies are never wrong and in all cases, they have been severely hurt by the actions of their partners. Effectively, bullies see no right in their partners choices or actions, all they see is an attempt to undermine them. For bullies, having a trump card over their partners is a must, so that at every opportunity, they whip it out and flaunt in their partnerâ€™s face. Worse are the snide remarks and the tears bullies employ.
- Never letting the past go: Now these are the vindictive bullies, who at every opportunity bring up past events and use it as leverage against their partners. These bullies tend to compare, trying for emphasis sake to show that they are right and you are wrong. I certainly am guilty of this *sad*
- Silent treatment: O boy, this just beats it. Bullies who employ this tact cut off all communications, in a bid to show their partner their â€œWORTHâ€.
- Control freak: well the term says it all. Bullies who are control freaks are oblivious of their actions. They tend to suffocate their partners and most times use patronizing language, sarcasm, constant criticism etc.
Now there are lots more signs but these signs listed above are easily recognizable and as such identifying them early on can save lives and most especially unions. Now what to do:
- Communicate better: a lot of couples fail to see the need to communicate better and most times are buried in their phones and other unnecessary distractions when together. As such they tend to lack communication skills and when issues arise, they do not have a well thought out plan on how to communicate effectively to settles these issues amicably. A very good way to communicate is to develop good listening skills, concentrate while your partner speaks, and most importantly do not interrupt. Letting each partner say his mind will go a long way to ensuring each partnerâ€™s opinion and fears is heard.
- Let the past go
- Understanding that sometimes while you might feel you are right and your partner is wrong, you must understand that as different individuals, your views can never be the same, so respect each other and your views.
- Accepting each otherâ€™s weaknesses and building on each otherâ€™s strength.
- Most importantly, love and respect each other.
If bullying persists, visit www.nobullying.com for more steps on what to do